The United Nations Space Station Disaster: Six Months Later
The fateful moment. Ambassador Warhol snaps the picture aboard an escape vessel as they await NASA rescue.
Dozens of fireballs that lit up the sky across Texas and California early Tuesday were determined to be debris from the UN Space Station bombing. Though some onlookers suspected the fireballs were caused by a meteor shower, and a few even posited that they were UFOs, the Federal Aviation Administration quickly cleared up the issue, citing a high concentration of Hilton Hotel supplies such as miniature shampoo bottles and individually wrapped soap bars among the remains. Many will remember that the United Nations Space Station was made possible by a generous donation on the part of the Hilton Group, and were thus rewarded sponsorship rights to the celestial structure.
The tragic bombing perpetrated by the Chinese ex-Ambassador Cao Cao resulted in no casualties, but was considered an assault on the interests of all member nations, and the bottom line for Hilton. The skies over the southwest United States served as a bittersweet reminder of the UN Disarmament Summit held that fated weekend in August. People around the world cheered to news that the Security Council had passed the Non-Proliferation Treaty, but as more information leaked, we learned of the bombing and the deaths of English Ambassador, Rick Wakeman, and French Ambassador Eugene Balzac.
Universal outrage and confusion was expressed over the bombing; the story wouldn’t be straight for months to come. Hearings were held around the globe, intelligence agencies cooperated in an unprecedented fashion to ascertain the details of the event. President George W. Bush spoke on behalf of disgraced U.S. Ambassador Brad Daniels, “He may be an occasional drug user, and he may have sold his last name for profit, but I looked into his soul and saw that he was a good man. I’m the decider, and I want you to know that I’ve decided he is a good man and also to take racing lessons from him.” In September, a court order forced Daniels to accept his name of birth, Brad Thimbry. Along with Thimbry, many other ambassadors were plunged into scandals, leaving the worlds citizens deeply disaffected.
In October, the details of the events finally came out. As proof that reality is stranger than fiction, millions read of the reciprocal murders of Balzac and Wakeman at each other’s hands, the series of mishaps leading up to the final moments when Cao Cao gained control of the explosive device responsible for the tragedy, and the final, beset voting. Secretary General Bret Hart spoke to C-Span,
“I think its important to understand that these things don’t happen every day. Brad, bless his heart, isn’t overly cautious about things he ought be. He showed all of us his newest Doomsday Device, and as far as we can tell, left it sitting on the nightstand beside his bed throughout the summit… and you know, people want to know what would cause two grown men like Balzac and Wakeman to kill eachother, let me tell you… I can understand. You hear that Shaun Michaels?! Your days are f**king numbered!”
The debris propelled into orbit by the UNSS bombing presents new challenges for future space travel. The NASA Orbital Debris Program Office at the Johnson Space Center is approaching the situation with extreme caution until the new debris can be properly tracked.
Months were cast under the dark shadow of this tragedy, but in December, a bright light shown through. The United Nations released a new budgetary outline which revealed a record breaking surplus. Even with construction paid outright by Hilton, the operating costs of the Station were bleeding the spending plan dry. With the newly freed funds, the United Nations launched a new project, the United Nations Undersea Headquarters, which they expect to be operational by 2010.
What does it all mean? Tragedy comes in many forms. The tragedy of losing your final, going away match to your arch-rival. The tragedy of enabling a terrorist act through your love for high-yield explosives. The tragedy of two friends falling-out. Tragedy it indeed was, but through it, we have witnessed a newly invigorated global alliance. The United Nations is stronger and more serious than ever. What will the next six months bring?
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This Article Was Originally Published in the Washington Record on January 15th, 2009. The Writer, Neil Fotherby is a former United Nations press assistant of ten years, now a Washington Record staff writer and regular contributor to Agent-Gamer.com .