This Has Nothing To Do With The Story.

ARE AMERICA’S SHORES SAFE FROM ASSAULT? LEADING EXPERTS BELIEVE THIS MAY BE THE BEGINNING OF A NEW WAVE OF MINORITY VIOLENCE.

In the worst terrorist attack on American soil since the tragic events of September 11, 2001, six armed men traveled from the east coast to the west, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. The Department of External Services is working on the case in some capaity, but as of 2:14 A.M., the status of agent MacGyver remains unknown.

Who Are These Terrorists?

Law Enforcement branches around the country have been investigating but little is currently known about their identities and the details of the events that may still be unfolding. Part of the problem stems from the extremely abnormal nature of the crimes; NYPD criminal profilers have worked the details over multiple times and have failed to uncover any unifying theme or motive. Their goals do not appear to be strictly destructive, evidenced by the unusually high witness and survivor counts. Even so, the witnesses insist that these terrorists should be considered extremely dangerous.

How Scared Should You Be?

Notorious drug dealer, Kermit the Frog, was assaulted by the six in his East Compton drug lab. The threat of physical harm peaked when chemicals used to make brack were accidentally mixed, causing a deadly explosion. Kermit, still dazed, spoke to us from an LA burn ward, “these assholes barged in and gave us the fifth degree… they were looking for the f***ing president or something”. The LAPD is charging the drug lord with intent to sell, but are treating him as an important witness in the terror case. Kermit’s assistant, Beaker, died in intensive care last night.

By the time the terrorists arrived in Washington, DC, a full search team was out looking for them. The Department of External Services was well aware of the presence of a radical Sand Person extremist within this cell, but with a Schrew and a Many also involved, the possibility of an ideologically motivated plot was plainly doubted. What happened next took the country by surprise; late in the day, their cross-country crime spree exploded into a full-fledged terror attack. Within an hour, the group staged a plot to deface the United States Constitution, visciously assaulting disabled Library of Congress restorational experts, and proceeded to one of America’s oldest and most treasured landmarks — the Schrewish bank, Solomon’s Temple. MacGyver was desperately gathering details at the Library of Congress when an RDX based explosion shook New Jersey suburbs surrounding the bank. According to Fox News insiders, News Corp owner, Rupert Murdoch, had been targeted by the Sand Person along with all of the financial institutions in the country.

A Department of Defense Weather Satellite, DMSP 5D-2, detected a sudden anamolous electro-magnetic pulse in the vicinity of the explosion, and when it was over, all that remained was the burning remains of Solomon’s Temple, and a severely injured bystander.
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This Article Was Originally Published in the New York Times. The Writer, Anthony Morghila went on to write a best-selling novel, “The Protocols Of Freedom”, about the anti-schrewish terrorists who threatened America’s peace.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 24th, 2009 at 5:15 am and is filed under U.S., World. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.